Map of life expectancy at birth from Global Education Project.

Sunday, February 13, 2022

Sunday Sermonette: They don't teach this in Sunday school

And you aren't likely to hear a sermon preached on it either. Before we get to the really weird shit, a reminder that Mephibosheth is Jonathan's son and Saul's grandson, who was dropped by his nurse and made lame. David brought him to Jerusalem and gave him an estate. Mephibosheth's son is Micah, and apparently that's who David inquires after; but why Micah's defection to Absalom costs Mephibosheth is estate is not explained.


The second incident is also a bit mysterious. David decides to put up with a guy cursing him and throwing rocks at his party. Basically, David says "Who cares, that's the least of our worries." Fair enough I suppose.

 

But it's the finale that keeps this out of the Children's Book of Bible Stories. Ahithophel, a counselor renowned for his sagacity, has deserted David and gone over to Absalom. He advises Absalom to  set up a tent and put on a live sex show for the people of Jerusalem by raping all ten of David's concubines. The point of this is to humiliate David. It also sort kinda fulfills Nathan's curse from Ch. 12, as punishment for raping Bathsheba and getting Uriah killed, but not exactly. Remember:


11 Thus says the Lord, ‘Behold, I will raise up evil against you out of your own house; and I will take your wives before your eyes, and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the sight of this sun. 12 For you did it secretly; but I will do this thing before all Israel, and before the sun.’”

 

However, it is not David's neighbor but his  son who does the raping, and it is the concubines, not the wives, who get raped. Anyway it's apparently God's will that this happen. The point is to humiliate David. Who cares about the concubines? Certainly not God.


16 When David had passed a little beyond the summit, Ziba the servant of Mephib′osheth met him, with a couple of asses saddled, bearing two hundred loaves of bread, a hundred bunches of raisins, a hundred of summer fruits, and a skin of wine. And the king said to Ziba, “Why have you brought these?” Ziba answered, “The asses are for the king’s household to ride on, the bread and summer fruit for the young men to eat, and the wine for those who faint in the wilderness to drink.” And the king said, “And where is your master’s son?” Ziba said to the king, “Behold, he remains in Jerusalem; for he said, ‘Today the house of Israel will give me back the kingdom of my father.’” Then the king said to Ziba, “Behold, all that belonged to Mephib′osheth is now yours.” And Ziba said, “I do obeisance; let me ever find favor in your sight, my lord the king.”

Shimei Curses David

When King David came to Bahu′rim, there came out a man of the family of the house of Saul, whose name was Shim′e-i, the son of Gera; and as he came he cursed continually. And he threw stones at David, and at all the servants of King David; and all the people and all the mighty men were on his right hand and on his left. And Shim′e-i said as he cursed, “Begone, begone, you man of blood, you worthless fellow! The Lord has avenged upon you all the blood of the house of Saul, in whose place you have reigned; and the Lord has given the kingdom into the hand of your son Ab′salom. See, your ruin is on you; for you are a man of blood.”

Then Abi′shai the son of Zeru′iah said to the king, “Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me go over and take off his head.” 10 But the king said, “What have I to do with you, you sons of Zeru′iah? If he is cursing because the Lord has said to him, ‘Curse David,’ who then shall say, ‘Why have you done so?’” 11 And David said to Abi′shai and to all his servants, “Behold, my own son seeks my life; how much more now may this Benjaminite! Let him alone, and let him curse; for the Lord has bidden him. 12 It may be that the Lord will look upon my affliction,[a] and that the Lord will repay me with good for this cursing of me today.” 13 So David and his men went on the road, while Shim′e-i went along on the hillside opposite him and cursed as he went, and threw stones at him and flung dust. 14 And the king, and all the people who were with him, arrived weary at the Jordan;[b] and there he refreshed himself.

The Counsel of Ahithophel

15 Now Ab′salom and all the people, the men of Israel, came to Jerusalem, and Ahith′ophel with him. 16 And when Hushai the Archite, David’s friend, came to Ab′salom, Hushai said to Ab′salom, “Long live the king! Long live the king!” 17 And Ab′salom said to Hushai, “Is this your loyalty to your friend? Why did you not go with your friend?” 18 And Hushai said to Ab′salom, “No; for whom the Lord and this people and all the men of Israel have chosen, his I will be, and with him I will remain. 19 And again, whom should I serve? Should it not be his son? As I have served your father, so I will serve you.”

20 Then Ab′salom said to Ahith′ophel, “Give your counsel; what shall we do?” 21 Ahith′ophel said to Ab′salom, “Go in to your father’s concubines, whom he has left to keep the house; and all Israel will hear that you have made yourself odious to your father, and the hands of all who are with you will be strengthened.” 22 So they pitched a tent for Ab′salom upon the roof; and Ab′salom went in to his father’s concubines in the sight of all Israel. 23 Now in those days the counsel which Ahith′ophel gave was as if one consulted the oracle[c] of God; so was all the counsel of Ahith′ophel esteemed, both by David and by Ab′salom.

Footnotes

  1. 2 Samuel 16:12 Gk Vg: Heb iniquity
  2. 2 Samuel 16:14 Gk: Heb lacks at the Jordan
  3. 2 Samuel 16:23 Heb word

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