Foobaw

I'm talking about real foobaw, Merkin foobaw, where men are men and ligaments are nervous and brains turn to oatmeal, not that sissy English game where they run around a field forever kicking a ball back and forth and nothing ever happens. Most years, once foobaw season is in full swing, I post something about it, so here goes.

 

The Patriots managed to get by the Dolphins in one of the weirdest games ever. The team is named for rebels against mad King George, but of course from the point of view of the king and his ministers the people were not patriots but traitors. They could rename the team the traitors and it would be economical because they could reuse most of the letters, but it probably wouldn't sit well with the fans. 

 

The Patriots coach is Mike Vrabel, who played for the team during its glory years and was on three Superbowl winning teams. For some reason it is seldom mentioned, but he was a rarity in the NFL, a two-way player. He mostly played linebacker but the famously grumpy coach put him the offensive backfield on short yardage plays, and he caught ten touchdown passes with the team, include two in the Superbowl.* 

I don't know if this experience is helpful to Vrabel as a coach, but he has a lot of work to do in the next six days. He needs to explain to his defensive players that their job is not just to bump into the guy in possession of the inflated leather oblate spheroid, but rather to grab a hold of him and cause his knee, elbow or buttocks to contact the ground. He also needs to explain to his offensive players that they are not allowed to initiate play until the fat guy in the middle passes the ball between his legs. Finally, he needs to explain to his kicker that he can apply for a job at MacDonald's. If the players can grasp these concepts, the team may do better in the future. We'll see. But I'm not counting on much.

 

*Grumpy also had slot receiver Troy Brown play nickel back in the 2004 season, and he had three interceptions. Grumpy also had quarterback Doug Flutie drop kick an extra point in 2006, the first and last successful drop kick since 1941, and he had Brown play quarterback in a preseason game.