The Gospel of Mark originally ended with verse 8. Somebody later decided that wasn't a sufficiently exciting end to the tale, and appended verses 9 through 20. Before we get to the fan fiction, we'll note the usual discrepancies with the other gospels. Here, three women came to the tomb, in John there were only two, in Matthew there was one, and in Luke there were at least five. In John, it was still dark when they came, but here and in Matthew it was sunrise or dawn. Here, they encounter a young man (perhaps an angel) sitting inside the tomb, with the stone already rolled away. But in Matthew, they see the angel descend from heaven, and roll back the stone. Here, the "young man" tells the disciples to go to Galilee, but in Luke, Jesus himself tells them to "tarry in Jerusalem." And so on, enough of that.
In the addendum, Jesus promises that the faithful can drink poison without injury. Sure.
Luke comes next. It has an entirely different nativity story from Matthew, which is completely inconsistent. Both stories cannot possibly be true. The story depicted in pageants and creches is a mashup of the two stories that omits the contradictory parts. In other words, the Christmas story is incontrovertibly a hoax, and all you need to do to prove that is read both versions. We will do that.
16 When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so that they might go to anoint Jesus’ body. 2 Very early on the first day of the week, just after sunrise, they were on their way to the tomb 3 and they asked each other, “Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?”
4 But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away. 5 As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed.
6 “Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. 7 But go, tell his disciples and Peter, ‘He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.’”
8 Trembling and bewildered, the women went out and fled from the tomb. They said nothing to anyone, because they were afraid.[a]
[The earliest manuscripts and some other ancient witnesses do not have verses 9–20.]
9 When Jesus rose early on the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had driven seven demons. 10 She went and told those who had been with him and who were mourning and weeping. 11 When they heard that Jesus was alive and that she had seen him, they did not believe it.
12 Afterward Jesus appeared in a different form to two of them while they were walking in the country. 13 These returned and reported it to the rest; but they did not believe them either.
14 Later Jesus appeared to the Eleven as they were eating; he rebuked them for their lack of faith and their stubborn refusal to believe those who had seen him after he had risen.
15 He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation. 16 Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. 17 And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; 18 they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”
19 After the Lord Jesus had spoken to them, he was taken up into heaven and he sat at the right hand of God. 20 Then the disciples went out and preached everywhere, and the Lord worked with them and confirmed his word by the signs that accompanied it.
Footnotes
- Mark 16:8 Some manuscripts have the following ending between verses 8 and 9, and one manuscript has it after verse 8 (omitting verses 9-20): Then they quickly reported all these instructions to those around Peter. After this, Jesus himself also sent out through them from east to west the sacred and imperishable proclamation of eternal salvation. Amen.
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