Map of life expectancy at birth from Global Education Project.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Feeling misunderstood

Inexplicably, I am continually bombarded with e-mails from people (or some human-like entity) hawking fraudulent nostrums. The Dead Sea salt people have come around again, undeterred by the review I gave them last time. Now it seems their product is an essential component of "nasal hygeine." I'm proud to say I could not have made that up.

Next, it seems a professor at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville has come up with a pill that is the equivalent of running three miles. If the provost is reading this, you might look into revoking tenure.

Finally, a renowned hand surgeon has invented "Touchless Flatware," which saves me from the germs that lurk everywhere by not touching the table. This comes to me via "today's lifestyle and pop culture branding expert." Not surprisingly, right after that I heard from Madame Assetou Sako in Nigeria, who wants me to handle her $4 million inheritance on behalf of the poor and orphaned. I wonder if they're working together?

I wouldn't mind receiving this crap, except that it forces me to wallow in despair for my fellow humans. 



kathy a. said...

oh, i was so steaming mad that i came to complain to you about my mail today. "life line screening" wants me to go to a nearby catholic church and get screened -- for a low low price that is not covered by insurance -- because i might get a stroke.

the man whose return address appears on the envelope has some fancy initials after his name. RDCS, which turns out to mean he got training in cardiac sonograms. oooh, ahhh. quack quack quack.

Cervantes said...

Oh yeah, I take it you saw my earlier post on those schtickdrecks.