Map of life expectancy at birth from Global Education Project.

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Betting Pool

The weeks leading up to the Republican National Convention are bound to be very interesting. Do buy your popcorn now before the shelves are stripped bare! One of the most intriguing questions is who will be the Vice Presidential nominee.

The first, essential criterion is that the person be willing to accept the honor. A desirable quality would be that the individual not be a maniac. The overlap in the Venn diagram for that proposition is very small, so we may have to relax the second criterion. Here is my take on some of the prospects, but I'm not setting odds.

1. Chris Christie. A major advantage is that he has already been thoroughly humiliated and subjugated, so that process can be skipped. He broadens the ticket's appeal to include people who are attracted to vulgar bullies and simplistic world views. Oh wait . . .

2. Ben Carson. The narcoleptic nutcase has pre-humiliated himself, a substantial service to the cause. He might alienate the white supremacist faction of T. Rump supporters. On the other hand, they may be okay with the idea of a house negro.

3. Sarah Palin. An early endorser, she also broadens the appeal to include people who are attracted to incoherent rants and preposterous conspiracy theories. Oh wait . . . . The only candidate who reads all the newspapers. Brings foreign policy gravitas from her nightly examination of Vladimir Putin's head through a small telescope.

4. Louie Gohmert. Stupid enough to think this would be a good idea.

5. Paul LePage.  Could be kept in a simulated campaign environment throughout, so that he thinks he's campaigning but is actually interacting only with actors on a sound stage in between fake flights on a convincing mock up of a private jet that produces sound effects and shows projections on the windows but never actually leaves the ground.

Perhaps you have other candidates to propose.

1 comment:

robin andrea said...

I think he's going to clone himself and be his own running mate. It'll be YUGE! I have never looked forward to the conventions with as much enthusiasm as I am feeling right now. Wheee! Bring on the popcorn.