A message from behind enemy lines

As long-time readers know, I live in one of the most anti-American parts of the United States. Fortunately, there are a few under-cover patriots here, some of whom courageously resisted the rising tide of Communism, terrorism and negritude by courageously vandalizing the Boston ACORN office. But for the most part, the news is not good.

The anti-American movement has already infiltrated the U.S. Congress, sending the Communist Edward M. Kennedy and Frenchified traitor John F. Kerry to the Senate. Our most prominent member of the house is notorious sodomite Barney Fa-- excuse me, Frank. You may not have heard of the rest of the gang but they all hate the troops. They're even trying to make them come home to their families instead of doing what they love, driving around in the blistering desert and getting blown up and shot in order to achieve something that Senator McCain will explain to them later.

Most discouraging of all, the International Negro Conspiracy has already seized state power here, and Governor Devalodinga Denizulu al-Patrick is furthering its sinister ends by supporting investment in renewable energy, instead of patriotic American oil drilling in George's Bank -- I mean come on, the fishery has already collapsed anyway -- and life sciences research, which is code for murdering babies for profit.

I'm sorry to have to tell Governor Palin that even our small towns are infested with socialists and lesbians. Everywhere I go I see Obama signs un-defaced by the patriotic messages, such as "KKK" and "nigger" that we see in the pro-American parts of the country. If it gets any worse, I may be forced to move to North Carolina. Oh wait . . .