God is one messed up cat

I regularly drive between Boston and Windham County, Connecticut. For years there has been a sign beside Route 20 near Worcester: "God Bless America. Office for Rent."*

You see God Bless America bumper stickers, politicians are required (apparently by the Constitution) to say it at the end of every speech, and people have even purchased billboards with the message. As far as I can tell, the logic is that the all powerful, all knowing creator of the universe probably wasn't going to bless America, but hopefully he'll happen to see the sign or the bumper sticker or hear the political speech and say to himself, "Oh what the heck, I guess I'll throw them a blessing," whatever that might consist of.

He is susceptible to other odd influences. I don't know what the deal is with the bomb threat, but it doesn't make any sense to me that the almighty only bothers to heal the sick and disabled if they happen to get a hold of some spring water in a plastic jug in the shape of a character known as The Virgin Mary. Remember, this dude is supposedly almighty and all knowing. If he decides whether to heal people based on whether they have the magic spring water, he's completely fucking nuts.

Another odd thing about God is that, in spite of his omnipotence, he is completely unable to defend himself. Apparently he magically turns crackers into human flesh in the mouths of worshipers, which is bad enough. It seems it really, really hurts his fee fees if somebody steals one of those crackers without swallowing it, BUT he can't do anything about it. He has to depend on equally affronted humans to try to get the guy kicked out of college and threaten to kill him and so on. In spite of his power to heal the sick, he can't give the guy stomach cramps. And then, when somebody intentionally abuses such a cracker, he needs a whole army to rise up and threaten to kill the guy, because God is just such a pathetic wimp.

Well God, I'm calling you out. You are just too weird to be Lord of the Universe, and I hereby demand your resignation. If you don't like it, you have thunderbolts available. I double dare you.

*The same guy recently put up a new sign: "General McChrystal for President." Apparently hanging out in a bar getting sloshed with a reporter for a hippie magazine and decrying the effeminacy of diplomats is the only real qualification for the job. This probably has something to do with Christianity as well.