Heavy Weather

I've been meaning to ask Pastor Hagee why God flooded out all those folks in north Florida. I'm pretty sure they weren't planning to have a homosexual parade. But here I'm seeing all these retired people on my teevee, with pleasingly fair complexions, slogging out the mud and remnants of their destroyed lives from their sagging houses. And these good folks can be relied upon to vote for the God's Own Party, too. It's hard to figure.

Now we've got another hurricane starting up. It's going to hit Haiti, which doesn't have an obvious explanation but those Haitians are poor and no account so God just keeps messing with them, I guess. Then it's heading on to Cuba, which doesn't have any homosexuals but they're Godless Commies so that makes sense. What happens after that, I'm sure Pastor Hagee will explain to us.

But what I really don't understand is why we aren't getting any hurricanes up here in the Sodomite Republic of Massachusetts. We've got homosexual marriage, a homosexual congressman, homosexual anchor on the nightly news, homosexual Commissioner of Public Health, homosexual chaplain at the World's Greatest University™. We've even got the Congregational Church, which started out as the Puritans and used to have the decent moral values to hang witches and Quakers and put the scarlet letter on adulterers, marrying homosexuals left and right. They even had ads bragging about it on teevee for a couple of weeks, but then they remembered that only right wing Christians get to say anything in public, so they stopped. Pastor Hagee comes on my teevee every night, but the UCC knows better than to inflict their abominating and gomorrahfying on the teevee watching public.

Anyway, we haven't had a hurricane here since as long as I can remember. Okay, I looked it up, it was 1991, long before all this homosexual stuff started happening. About the worst that was going on here back then was Daniel Dennet and a few Unitarians. But lately we've just had Absolutely Fabulous weather. I can't figure it out.